i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
