i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
