I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
