I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
