if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
