Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
