I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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