Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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