I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I will be naked everywhere
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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