I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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