my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
