Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
