hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize