Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
