im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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