when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
what is it with giant penises always finding me
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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