i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
