bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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