Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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