The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
