You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
