dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize