i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
