I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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