dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
