The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
