Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
