I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
