Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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