9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
