What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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