Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
