sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
