tell your sister to shave her snatch
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
