Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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