i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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