did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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