What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
