Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
