I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
