you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
