hell yes lets make some ravioli
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
