Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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