she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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