did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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