At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
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