I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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