guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
