He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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