For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
