don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
