The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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