Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Oh god it's open bar.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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