absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
