dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
