He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
