The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize