Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
