Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
