remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
