If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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