Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
