Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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