so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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