If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
