Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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