she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize