I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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