you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You made out with two different species that night
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize