if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize