Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
