So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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