Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
